Buying Your Guilt

Buying you’re guilt:
There are times in life when you know that you are guilty of a crime. Nobody will know of that or it may happen even everybody knows about that you won’t get punished. This is the time when you try to buy you’re guilt and you comfortably name the same as help, favour or whatever suits you’re vocabulary. This is the time when you truly have and fight within yourself. The fight between the innocent kid and the tampered self image, the reason I used the word tampered since the image we are referring to is created by you’re surrounding and may have a little of you left in the same. Well the kid is ready to accept the fault is ready to say sorry and live with the fact that he is guilty. The image is not ready to accept the fact he says that it’s not big enough a crime to be punished or to apologetic. Even though the fact is only the sufferer and at many occasions not even the sufferer can asses that how big are the crime or the actual intensity and impact of the action (crime).
Now starts the negotiation and this is a raw deal at the beginning. Should I accept the crime or I shouldn’t, since we know accepting the crime will mean punishment embarrassment and so on, not accepting will mean that you are not a good guy and you will have to be associated with this guilt. In our day to day life this is to raw to accept we are used to the diluted or sugar coated version on both the fronts. Now starts the politically correct phase of negotiation and this starts with “who doesn’t make a mistake?” “I am god, I am just a plain simple human” and then the sentimental aspect coated with our ego self acclaimed pride and the very own tapered self image “I can’t just go ahead and die in guilt neither I can ruin my image by accepting my crime. This is too harsh a punishment”. After all these metaphorical excuses, we do one good thing somewhere down the line we explore our self and become a bit closer to our inner self the true +ive and –ive within us. I will tell you the benefits latter. So now starts the buying tricks, you start thinking what you have in you’re kitty which you can give to buy the same. This is when we go ahead and start giving things which are actually there to help us morally and we project it that it is meant for the sufferer. This is the time we realize that all of are good and have the ability to be good in what ever way we can. This is the time when we actually even go an extra mile to help those who are hurt by our actions. We actually keep on trying till the time we get a comfort that we have done some good to compensate our sins. This action may even stop when we actually start hurting us in some way by actually helping those hurt by us. This is the time you realize the actual intensity of pain since you are the person delivering as well as receiving the same. This is how we land up being relaxed and somehow think we have done all what it requires to be done to compensate our crime. This may not be always appropriate, but it will be cynical to label it absolutely useless. This may benefit the person harmed and hurt with you’re actions. At the same time we may land up just convincing our self that we have done the best and make our self comfortable. Irrespective of the fact that how this has benefited the other party. This is what I term buying you’re guilt at your own convenient and price.

Now let’s look at the positive aspect of this self acclaimed calmness therapy of buying you’re guilt:
As I mentioned above that there is a deep self realising phase when you accept the fact that there has been a mistake from you’re end. Let’s stop here and look into our self and analyze why this happened what compelled us to do the same. You will find that many a time it’s nothing very big or critical, most of the time it starts with very small issues and piles up to be a bunch of small issues and a crime at the end. Many things are just a reaction of our denial mode. The very acceptance of the fact or just an imposed identity associated with us in our tampered self image. The second benefit is when you actually analyze you’re +ive and –ive you get a chance not only to identify the same as well as an opportunity to work on the same. If you can use this as an opportunity it may happen that the situations and action which compel you to get into things like this will reduce and they may reduce substantially.

Now let’s look at the negative aspect of this:
To start the series I will first like to ask a question that how do we feel when we are at the receiving end.
The prime negative aspect is that this is pretty addictive and if you will look around most of us are addicted to this. What happens out of this is we get so used to it that we miss the entire self realization step and just get into the negotiation and finalize a rate and the worst happens when we get so acquainted to this system that we directly go ahead and make a conclusive statement. Something like” What can I do it happened since it had to” or “It cannot be my mistake always, they deserved it” and the best “I am not an evil, neither a god, it just happened and that’s it I can’t help it I need to move on, forget it “.
There can be many scenario and many –ive out of it but there is one aspect which is on the very boundary of +ive and –ive of this act. This is when we are evaluating our self we may get carried off by the fact that there has been mistake from our end. We land up getting so compelled by the grief and softer aspect associated with the same that we in spite of buying our guilt start punishing our self. This may get harsh and even harm you’re actual existence. So there should be an evaluation which is best to our strength there is no point being cynical and start felling that you are an evil of any sort. You should realize that punishing you’re self is not a solution in any way the solution is helping those who have been harmed and the fact that you should be strong enough to admit the same and pledge that you will not repeat the same.

This may sound a bit rude but in today’s world there are too many scenarios where we go ahead with this approach and we should try to create a balance in this act. If there is an appropriate balance then this will be a good act to follow. As a matter of fact there is a saying “Pashyatap maat karoo Prashchit karo”…which means… “Don’t repent rather take an action to rectify the same”.

My god blesses us…..

Regards
Kanishka Kumar Sinha